You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

Unlike a good wine or a vintage cheese, Adam Sandler does not get better with age. Nowhere is this more apparent than in this film, a film that was in fact recommended to me years ago by a close friend as one of the best films he had seen. After watching the film - purely on his recommendation, I might add - I have come to the realisation that perhaps our friendship at the time was based more on proximity to one another than similar interests or personality.

Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler) is an Israeli counter-terrorist who, at the beginning of the film, is trying to have a break from his stressful life. He has returned home to live with his parents, and spends his days on the beach cavorting with beautiful women.

He is summoned back to work and given the assignment to recapture (after he was released) a Palestinian terrorist who goes by the name Phantom (John Turturro).

Zohan Dvir (Adam Sandler).

After the altercation with Phantom leaves Zohan suspected dead, he takes the opportunity to leave Israel and seek his fortune in the United States.

You see, his lifelong dream - for as long as he can remember - has been to cut and style hair.

Reinventing himself in New York City as Scrappy Coco, he finds employment at a salon in the Middle Eastern corner of the city, working for salon owner Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). It isn’t long before he has become the most popular stylist in the salon, largely due to his reputation with the female customers.

But when he is recognised by Palestinian-both taxi driver Salim (Rob Schneider), it’s certainly inevitable that word will eventually reach the Phantom, resulting in an Israeli-Palestinian conflict right in the heart of New York City.

Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui).

The screenplay, written by Adam Sandler & Robert Smigel & Judd Apatow, is surely one of the most infantile screenplays I have come across. Picture a cross between a David Zucker spoof comedy and a Carry On film, but nowhere near as clever or humorous. None of the jokes has any intelligent thought behind it; the film is little more than two hours of dick and fart jokes.

The cinematography is nothing spectacular, either. One wonders why a cinematographer has been credited at all, when it seems as though the film could have been captured just as well - if not better - by a stationary unmanned camera.

A quick note: I’m not deliberately trying to be negative about this film, but there really is very little about it to be positive about. In fact, where this film is concerned, the only thing I’m positive about is that I will not be watching it again. I will definitely be taking this friend’s recommendations with an abundance of salt from now on.

Phantom (John Turturro) and Mariah Carey.

Director Dennis Dugan - who previously directed Sandler in Happy Gilmore, which was actually a half-decent film - has succeeded in directing one of the worst films I have ever had the misfortune to watch.

2 out of 10. (I almost gave it 1, but then I remembered that I did laugh a couple of times).